As general douche baggery runs rampant in our society, it’s vitally important to arm yourself. Put away the semi-automatic weapon Marlo Stanfield, I’m talking about developing a keen ability to sort out the douche bags from the non-douche bags. Today down at The Gumption we are saluting those who make this process incredibly easy.
Is there a more in your face indicator of douche baggery than a blow out haircut? Sir quiet honestly, your hairdo is practically a billboard advertising how much you suck/do steroids/fake tan/masturbate while staring in the mirror and flexing. While many would make fun of you, I instead thank you!
Other people hide their douche baggery behind lots of money and a modest exterior. Your superficiality does not allow you to hide behind a normal life. You are compelled to walk around looking like you stuck a fork in a socket. Apparently it has fried your skin, your brain, and turned your physique into a science experiment.
It seems your entire wardrobe has been affected by your obsession with incorrect use of electrical outlets. You do not own a single shirt with sleeves, must be because your body is consistently radiating more heat than a Red Dwarf. Oh wait; no you do own that Ed Hardy t-shirt and that one with the crazy looking dragon on it from Armani.
Gumption reader I challenge you, bring me but one man who rocks such a haircut that is a decent human being. You cannot, it is all but impossible. However, kind reader that does not mean that these people are not to be appreciated. I don’t know about you, but everyday I thank god for making neo-Nazis bald, fad chasing homos mohawked, and Kabooms blown out. Otherwise how would you ever know the difference? I’m Teddy Jones and I rock out with my cock out right here at The Gumption.
