Wench

If there is something I enjoy doing more than anything else, it is calling someone something that they do not understand. Remember when you were taking Spanish and you learned your first bad word? You called everyone you knew, even your parents, “piece of shit” and the look on their faces was priceless. What if I told you I found a way to do that in plain English? Is that something you might be interested in? Great!

Most people don’t really understand the meanings of words that they use over and over again. I don’t want to get all fucking hoity toity about this; I’ll just prove my point. Remember that jackass who used to sit in the front row in college and use big words? He said things like: “Professor Bigglasses, you make a really perfunctory point, wide open urban spaces do make people happier.” Yeah well perfunctory means “consistently mediocre”, in fact its antonym is “thoughtful”. Nice one douche bag! That’s why the professor was always rolling his eyes at that guy (aside from the blatant dick sucking for grades). I digress.

I’m sure you could come up with better examples of this sort of thing, but let’s move on. There is an entire list of “old world” words that have sadly gone by the wayside. You know, the kind of insult Tybalt may have very well slung at Romeo. These words are somewhat common, but nobody really understands what they mean.

 

·       Wench- If I said, “Damn that Britney Spears is a saucy wench!” I bet you would think I was being complimentary. No sir! What I really said was that Britney Spears is an overly exuberant whore. Obviously wench in this case means whore, in other cases it can mean a “low viscous young woman”. “But Teddy, that’s not fair picking on poor Britney,” well guess what? Wench can be used to describe a man too. Hugh Grant is a wench because a wench is also an individual who frequents prostitutes. Here’s looking at you Elliot Spitzer!

·       Lush-

o      During the rainy season the plains of the Serengeti are quite lush.

o      Whilst in this time of plenty, the rhinoceros and the impala do not have to venture far to find lush vegetation.

o      On Saturday night, Mike was filling his usual role as the group’s lush pounding shot after shot of whatever was in front of him.

o      This Secretary Bird feeds almost exclusively on the lush insect population at this watering hole.

o      Originally I called you a lush because you were always blacking out, but tonight it is your voluptuousness and overwhelming sensuality that has me calling you by the same noun.

o      OMG me and my bffs love that new store called Lush!

o      Lush examples if I do say so myself.

·       Dim- Remember when your kindergarten teacher told your parents you were so “bright”? Yeah this is the complete opposite of that. My favorite part of this adjective is that when you call someone dim they think you are calling them pessimistic. “Dude what do you mean I’m dim? I think McCain is going to win!” BINGO HOMESLICE!    

·       Obtuse- The best use of this word is in Shawshank Redemption, when Andy Dufrane says to the Warden: “How can you be so obtuse?” While at that point in the movie you think Andy is just calling him “not sharp” (aka stupid), he is simultaneously using obtuse’s other meaning: “lacking insight”. Andy is referring with the latter meaning to the plan he has put in place to escape right under his nose! Sick! 

·       Dolt- Check out dolt’s synonyms on Dictionary.com: Blockhead, chump, clod, dummy, dunce, numskull, ass, bonehead, dullard, fool, goof, and idiot. That pretty much covers dolt I’d say.

·       Minx- Didn’t expect this to show up here did you? Because you remember that time Austin Powers told Allatta Fagina that she “shagged line a minx”. He was really telling her that she boned like an impudent (brazenly sexual) girl. Yes as it turns out, minx is definitely not a compliment! Well no I take that back I guess it depends. If the girl is trying to be brazenly sexual than it’s a compliment, but for your girlfriend or the new lady in your life I’d avoid this one all together. To add, calling a girl a minx is equivalent to calling her a "strumpet". You know Louis Armstrong played a mean strumpet! Stone. Cold. Pimp.

 

Got others that I’m not thinking of? Disagree with me completely? Yeah that’s cool, but instead of thinking about it SAY SOMETHING! See that little “Comments” text below this on the right? Click on it and speak your mind for god sakes! Or perhaps you insist on being obtuse.