Addendum

            “No Homo” has gotten a little stale don’t you think? For those of you not familiar with the overnight stardom of those two words allow me to explain. “No Homo” has become a suffix for a blatantly, veiled, or nearly transparent comment that might be “gay”. In its nearly transparent form: “Nice sweater…..no homo.” In its veiled form: “I’m in no position to do that…..no homo.” In its blatant form: “Damn dude you got a chunky ass, I want to make love to it…..no homo.” And God said let there be “No Homo” and there was “No Homo”….the rest is history.

            Rappers, NFL Superstars, Fraternity Brothers, and normal dudes affected by any one of these cultures have been caught up in “No Homo”. For some it was a phase, still for others it became a way of life. It’s not difficult to imagine how quickly this got old. Remember how fast adding Zs into things disappeared? Thanks D. O. Double Gizzel!

My issue is that I feel a special affection for “No Homo” because in reality it is not a gay joke as much as it is a timing joke. Those periods above used to indicate the pause (……) are the difference between pissing your pants and not even flinching. Therefore it is my hypothesis that it is the “Homo” part of “No Homo” that is dragging it down. Don’t believe me? Try these on for size!

 

·      “No Pinot” I happen to be a beer guy, wine gives me the worst fucking headache. Occasionally though, I am forced to try a sip of this very mediocre beverage. It usually happens when I am abroad or out to dinner at some fancy pants restaurant. Anyway, wine all tastes the same to my unrefined palette, so instead of looking like a fool I invoke “No Pinot”. It usually sounds like this: “Yeah that tastes great, it’s very fruity……no pinot.” Or like this: “Wow girl! That does go great with the tilapia….no pinot.” Noir or Grigio don't play with my Pinot....no homo. AH!!!!! 

·      “No Schlomo” Yeah I’m Jewish, and sometimes I make that rather obvious. I don’t know about you, but I’ll have moments with my co-workers when I cringe. The other day I said: “I think that Menorah’s are actually more radiant than Christmas trees”, and I got that stare. The stare that says, “This is the Jew who hates Christmas and would rather play with a dreidel.” I don’t hate Christmas at all; I actually find it rather uplifting. Everyone is so cheerful and pleasant, but I wouldn’t trade a single latke to be goy…..............no schlomo.

·      “No Xeno” Speaking of overzealous ethnocentricity, this is actually the exact opposite of “No Homo”. It promotes acceptance and love between all cultures by allowing you to point out when you make a Xenophobic comment. Let’s face it though our differences can be fucking hilarious, allow me to indulge. “Damn dude I’m trying to get that Arab Money…..no Xeno,” “Dude you got me working like a Mexican…..no Xeno.” “Yo man I’m so fucking high I look Chinese……no Xeno” “I refuse to spend any money tonight……no schlomo” Gotcha!!!!!!!

 

Well that does it for another afternoon down at The Ol’ Gumption. Roll on through the weekend boys and girls, and LOOKOUT! Next week is a big one….