An incredibly jarring moment in any child’s life is the first time he or she observes a homeless person. Personally, I remember feeling guilty, heartbroken, and shaken to my core. Millions of questions started to run through my head. “Why is this person homeless? Is there no one who loves them? How come my family has all we could want and they have nothing? Why is he so stinky?” I considered having a place to sleep a god given right. To know that this was in fact inaccurate made me upset and gave me some awful nightmares. Could this happen to my family? Would I one day wind up on the street? I kept these questions in my head; until one day I gathered the courage to ask my mother and she assuaged my concerns.
Since that moment, helping people has always been an interest of mine, especially homeless ones. Honestly though, homeless people are starting to piss me off. Consider the following cases and tell me if they don’t get you going.
· No Means No: This is more an indictment of the Nashville homeless community, but if I say “no” once to your request for money, that’s it. At the Blockbuster on West End, I shit you not, there is one dude who will ask you six times if you have any change. Three times on the way in, and three times on the way out. I know that he probably isn’t all there, but honestly after the fifth time he asks I am closer to giving him a restraining order than a quarter.
· Receptacle: There is a homeless guy outside the place where I usually eat lunch during the workweek. He stands there asking for change without a cup. Even if I had ten cents I am not going to risk physical contact. You know the phrase: “You don’t know where it’s been”, that was invented for situations like this and for people like you. Perhaps you haven’t read the Homeless Rules of Engagement Manual but this is like rule number two after “Do not under any circumstances shower.”
· The ATM: This one gets me going every time! Butang already went into the meat of it, but consider this: The homeless person in question will open up the door for you on the way in and on the way out. They will proceed to act as if they are performing some great service. How quickly they forget that the reason the door is locked is to keep people like them out. Personally I am ok with the extra five seconds it takes to pull out my card and open the door. I am willing to sacrifice that time so that they are not living where I am banking. After watching person after person take out money, how long is it before the temptation is to great and they jack up a little old lady? Oh and its just rude for me to be taking out $100 while they are using the next ATM over as a urinal. I should really be giving them their space.
· You Are a Beggar, Not a Chooser: A Gumption enthusiast recalled the following story the other day: “I was walking through Penn Station with my suit on trying to catch an Acela for a business trip. This homeless guy and I catch eyes. Thank god I have like 75 cents in my pocket. I put it in his cup, and he kind of snorts at me. I pause and he mumbles: ‘Thaz all ya got?’ I ask him to repeat it because I do not believe my ears, but sure enough that’s what he says.” Hold on let me take out my wallet; do you take Amex? Can you break a $100? Maybe you have a paypal account I can deposit to. Jiminy Crickets.
· Audit Trail: Ok I learned in college that it is a fact that most homeless people use money to buy alcohol and drugs. I actually learned it at a homeless shelter from a bunch of homeless guys. I was doing a project and one told me: “The shelters done fed me, and clothed me, I need change so I can get myself a 40 man! I’m trying to have a good time like you.” Ever since that moment, I insist on knowing where my money is going. So when someone asks me for change, I say: “Well I’d rather buy you a meal, do you want a (hot dog, big mac, street meat, whatever)?” The answer is no almost 95% of the time. “Oh I just ate man.” Oh you did? Then why the fuck are you asking for change? Bottom line, I advise you to start asking people the same question otherwise you are just paying for their drug use when you could be paying for your own.
Homeless people stop fucking up; usually you serve a good purpose. I give you something and both you and I walk away feeling good. Don’t abuse that relationship, and speaking of abuse, a quick note. We got rid of the email list because we were abusing it on Friday. We did not mean to flood your inbox, but occasionally we will do things like that and don’t want to abuse your trust. We hope you enjoyed your weekend. I’m Theodore Jones, welcome back to The Gumption!
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