Jaws Knows When You’re Awake!

            This is going to be a recurring column, and it is important for you to understand the way Jaws speaks. Click here if you need a quick lesson.

 Jaws:

            This week Santa asked me to take a look at some of your film from over the past year and I have to say I was quiet impressed. Day after day you’ve worked hard to be the best and it shows. If you don’t mind I’d like to compare some film from 2007 to film from 2008.

            In this 2007 clip you are at the mall, in this isolation shot you can clearly see an old lady trip and fall. Her new clothes are everywhere and you’re “me first” scheme does not allow you to help out at the point of attack. Another angle shows you walking out the door with a disgustingly smug look on your face. This is heinous, and your failure to make the simplest of zone reads resulted in you getting another tie for Christmas.

            Fast-forward to 2008, and we are now in a convenience store. A man with a mask is brandishing a firearm at a stunned Asian American cashier. As we freeze the frame, we are able to isolate your 3-technique stance and your 2-gap position between the Devil Dogs and the chewing gum. Most players in your position would panic, but not you, you trust your instincts and read run. The cashier begins to hand the money in the register off to the burglar. You spring out of your stance with the puma like reflexes that made you a first round pick in your annual Thanksgiving football game. As the money reaches the runner so do you, meeting head on at the point of attack. The money and gun flutter to the floor and for the moment everyone is safe. Looks like you’re going to get that XBOX 360 after all!